fuck star wars! (05/19/2005)

Fuck star wars and revenge of the sith, the most overhyped piece of trash in movie history! What a fucking joke, watching it was an exercise in pulling my own teeth with no anaesthetic. Fucking lame in so many ways, it's not even funny. I would get my money back if I hadn't walked out halfway through this special-effects-ridden piece of filth!

That being said, I gotta say how the new Star Wars movie was exactly the opposite of what I described above. Yes, I wasn't being serious. Yes, I loved this movie in so many ways. No, Jar Jar doesn't speak at all, he just sort of sits there looking bored, and sad at the end when Padme is dead. They killed off my girlfriend, Senator Padme! I was all sad, that assfuck Anakin choked her almost to death. That was part I didn't like, how apparently she "just gave up on holding on to life." Sure, she lost her boyfriend to the Dark Side, but life goes on man. You're carrying my children, come away with me... we'll make it all good.

And yes, the movie has some awesome special effects, and Wookiees, and the little green bastard Yoda. I seen the midnight showing, just got back around three in the morning, and I'm hyped enough to see it again very soon... maybe tomorrow if I'm lucky. This movie gets my personal recommendation as something that you should really go see. I compare it favorably to Sin City, in fact.

The only problem with the movie was the people watching it. We got there over an hour early, and the theatre was already almost packed. And of course there were the requisite geeks dressed as Jedi Knights, brandishing their little plastic lightsabers pretending that insults can be blocked with a swipe of their blades. Every time I saw some little kid whip one out during the film, and start flashing it... well, it made me wish I had brought my gun along for the ride. Someone's getting out of line? Fire some warning rounds up their ass. Still not cooperating? Walk up and pistol whip the fuck out of them. Just think: the first time they've emerged from their parent's basement in months, and suddenly they get a harsh taste of reality. Geeks get wailed on with guns if they wave plastic toys around, plain and simple.

Hmm, did I get off topic? Can you imagine me being a movie reviewer? I'd be discussing Sin City, and end up talking aboot how I want to create black and white glasses, to see the world from a comic book point of view. Unfortunately that would lead me to re-enacting key scenes from Star Wars... using a lightsaber. Hmm, maybe I won't become a movie reviewer for just that reason.

Okay, I'm done. My pill buzz kicked my ass throughout most of the film, intensifying every little bit and making the movie feel longer and better than it may have been. I suspect sleep will help me put things back into perspective, however sleep doesn't come easily. Especially when I'm this worked up. This happened three years ago when i first went to see Attack of the Clones, and I was all goofed up, presumably on life, and didn't sleep for days afterwards. Good times, and today such times were revisited.

Okay, go to schaaaappp's weblog to read of his adventures in grad kidnapping, and check out the lovely Joy's weblog for her take on the country she lives in, and to find a nice little post dedicated to me and the schaaaapp.

Michael, out!

grand slam yo (05/07/06)

That's just how it is. I did some shots of vodka before my baseball game Friday night, then brought a bottle of Mike's Hard Lemonade for a pre game warm up. Chugged that back as the game started, and I was buzzing quite admirably. I suddenly started doing insanely good, at least at batting. I was making huge hits, the best one of course being a grand slam. Got three runners home as well as myself, and the best thing is that it was hit in the park, not over the fence. Sure, the outfielders must have fucked up badly out there, but I managed to do it up. I've only done that once, back in the first season in a tournament that I was drunk as fuck for.
So that's the new baseball tradition, I'd say. Bottle of Hard Lemonade as a warm up, and I'll see if it's a good thing. I'd say so, judging from early reports.
Elsewhere, I'm enjoying my coveralls at work, even with the crappily spelled name. Seriously, nobody in the world actually spells their name "Micheal", but that's how so many people think of it. Fuck man. It's Michael!
I got my first paycheck a couple of days ago, proving that my new job is very much worth the effort I'm putting into it. I'm actually earning my money, which is a great feeling compared to how things were before.

A happy message from Bran:

hey!?!?!?!?!!!?!?!?!!what aboot me you pallet jacking blondie? , lol. by the way im actually blonde now, its crazy, im never going back!!!!!the job sounds cool, i may even send in a resume when i get home. you could like.....mentor me or sonmething..haha. also, im [edited]. also i had a taste of bc again while i was in dawson creek, but then we went back into alberta and we are currently heading down to lethbridge then up the mountain line to prince george and the down again to vancouver then im done!!!!ill have some pictures of my rockin blondness... i look like a different person really.seig heil! aryan blonde!lol.anyhoogood luck at work dawg, ill ttyl.ill even try to phone once in a while too.
reuuuuuuuuuuuu!
ooup!

Fuck Dawson Creek, that place is shitt! But okay, if I do something dumb and kill my head, then Bran will run up and hump my leg, in a vain attempt at resuscitating me. Silly kid. We're all hoping he returns soon, so we can make fun of him to his face. Especially for suddenly having blond hair. And we'll make fun of Schaap for suddenly making his hair short and spikey. Now he knows what it's like to be me... low maintenance and all.
Now it's time for another happy week of work. It's my last week of these particular shifts, next week I'm switching to something else, though i don't know what. Possibly Tuesday-Saturday night shifts, so I guess I'll be doing some heavy drinking next weekend, heavier than this weekend... and right now... to celebrate. And to mourn my loss of weekends, at least temporarily. But I love it.

Meow, motherfucker.

death of a retard (11/01/05)

To complete the mental handicap trilogy, I now explain how I sprained my elbow on the weekend, and bruised one of the nearby bones. Typical setup, sitting in a shopping cart off the back of a car, being pulled fast and letting go, then flying into something like a bush. It was different, though, because James Wiens was the driver. You may remember him from the first two films, and from a brief cameo in the third Madness film. Him and Joel showed up at my place, to meet me, bran, manj, and heather, but she took off before we got to the parking lot.

When we got there, some accident had occured at the intersection on South Fraser Way, so we had to delay moving the cart to the back lot, but did it anyway, and managed to avoid police attention. Got in, grabbed on, Bran rolled camera, and we were off. First one was slow, I guess Jame isn't used to what I'm used to. Impact was good, I didn't fall or suffer much.

Second attempt, he turned the wrong way towards our camera crew, so the footage got fucked up as Bran tried avoiding getting run over. Then the third time. Right before going, some guy went by on a bike, and I thought nothing of it. Told James to go fast, and did he ever. Sixty kilometres per hour, to be exact. And when he turned away, I got an extra bit of acceleration, as is the standard thing to experience.

It was faster than ever before, and I guess when it hit the curb, it flew forward faster than me, and the side wailed into my elbow. I landed in the nice soft bush, but that didn't stop my elbow from snapping. It was nearly impossible to move after that, and right then a cop came by, seeing what we were up to. We said we were riding carts, and he said that they had been getting complaints from [edit] aboot damaged carts, and for us not to do it again.

We went back around out front, and inside [edit] we saw the same tall, ugly fucker that had gone by on his bike earlier. The fucking assfuck sold us out. Thing is, I've never seen him there before, so he's likely only on the night crew. [edit]

The footage from this death scene showed up perfectly though, so it was all good. Even if it did land me in the hospital for X-rays. Overall, I'm satisfied with the whole thing, which I think adds to the general retardisms that I seem to have. But for now, hopefully I won't do something that unintentionally hurts me. Damn light bulb incident, and now this, and before that the retard trap that caught me somehow...


Did up a 330-1030 shift today, on halloween no less, so it was a shitty night. Not enough people came to visit me, but the ones that did were much appreciated. I like it when people come see me at work. I'm also doing wednesday and friday this week, 330-1030, hint hint.

certifiably insane (10/10/05)

Well I am insane, but I'm also a certified college graduate. I received my diploma in the mail on thursday, to confirm what I've been hoping for the last month or so. The last three full years led up to it, and it was a good feeling, to actually have a thing saying that I did it up. Although it seems strange to go through so much stress for one single piece of paper, I'm glad I did it. And the actual diploma has a nice little sticker on it... and it's a gold sticker, at that. 'Cause I'm special! I even get to ride the small bus to work.

Speaking of work, it wasn't actually too bad today, on this thanksgiving day. Once again, Americans may get confused, but the Canadian way dictates that we celebrate this day today, not next month. Means I get paid double my regular wage of $12.40 per hour, so whatever that is. Thing is, I was scheduled for a 6-11 shift, but due to unusual circumstances, I was allowed to leave at 915. The good part is that I get paid for a full four hours, and I was planning on leaving at ten regardless. But I got out, so that was rather lovely. Now I can sleep!

Speaking of sleep, I'm now forty seven hours without it. I'm so deprived. Saturday night I was out having a few drinks and killing my asshole, and sort of stayed up late, and by sunday morning I started getting calls, asking me to come in early for my 230-630. So I did that, and didn't really have time to sleep at all. And then tonight... well last night I suppose... I made the decision to once again stay up all night, then go straight to work, and then hop into bed before noon. So I have no sleep in my system, and likely won't remember even typing this. Go me.

Speaking of me and my asshole, I actually killed my tailbone and the top part of my ass. Put the paki banner to good use, making it into a railing sled and flying down a cement staircase at a local school near schaap's. It hurt like balls, but it was fun enough for me to do at least seven or eight times. I also got to wear schaap's Canucks flag as a cape, to become the invincible Canuck Man. Getting drunk and fighting crime since 2002.

Speaking of crime, I got the Sin City DVD finally, which is good. My maw gave me a twenty five dollar gift certificate to HMV, to get it because she didn't know which one I wanted. Silly question, really, I wanted teh Jessica Alba one with Bruce Willis. I now have that, but I haven't had the time to watch it. Saturday was schaap's, yesterday was work then my parents place for lovely ham dinner, to celebrate thanksgiving.

Speaking of celebrate, I shall have a night of heavy drinking on either thursday, friday, or saturday night, since I have all those days off work. At least until I get called in on saturday 330-1030, which is a possibility that would suck, but it's easy money. Looks like thursday or friday... or both... that I celebrate being done college. And then I can laugh at Heather, the GM girl who is only just starting her first semester at it.

Speaking of laughing... ahhh fuck it, I'm going to shower and then to bed.

squishy turtle (03/22/2005)

It's called a change over. The weblog goes on, and the audience has no idea.

I'm finally able to type properly, and I'm able to look at the keyboard for a period of time without freaking out over how itchy my eyes are. The laser eye surgery last thursday went as well as could have been expected, although I'm apparently the most twitchy patient the doctor has ever had. What they did was lay me in a chair looking up, and there was a bright light directly in my face. They put a clamp in my eye to keep it open, covered it in burning drops, and then went nuts.

I was asked to look straight up at the pulsing red dot, that made strange clicking noises. I was quite freaked out, all that nervousness I had built up came out, and I started looking around. I just can't seem to stare at any pulsing light for any period of time, without losing it and looking at a different spot. But I managed, after I was given a squishy stress ball. I absolutely gave it to that ball, and after five minutes, both eyes were done, the ball was no more, and I... could barely see anything. This of course freaked me out, until they said it's just a side effect.

So they loaded me up with various eye drop bottles, and put some in for me, and things cleared up somewhat. But my eyes were extremely sensitive to light, as they still are a bit. So I got to wear a pair of sunglasses they gave me, then I wore my own, 'cause mine are cooler (the $8.98 Wal-Mart special). Spent the first night at my parent's, with my mommy helping me to stay well. It was great, but it was so itchy and burning, and drops had to be put in every half hour. Some intense shit, I must say.

Before we left the mall, we went to the dollar store, 'cause I wanted another squishy ball for myself, since I broke the one the eye doctor let me use. I ended up getting a squishy turtle... I think it's normally a toy for dogs or something... and he helped! That turtle got me through some itchy times, and now he sits proudly next to the screen at the moment.

Anyways, long story made longer, the surgery went fine, but it precluded me from doing anything fun this weekend, in terms of going out and such. So I lazed around here, playing Halo 2 a lot, watching movies, and generally living the sloth life that I've grown accustomed to. It's been nice, even if my eyes made me freak out 'cause they were so painful and I wanted to scratch them.

See, after the surgery, they put bandage contacts in my eyes, which are invisible but that gather up little dust and dirt particles, that accumulate and build up. It basically makes the eyes as itchy as sex with a Hastings prostitute, or so I've heard from james wiens. But yeah, I got those out yesterday, and everything is all good again. My vision has cleared almost completely, and I got to wear sunglasses for my shift at work on Sunday. 230-630 I had them on, it was grand.

More to come in the next entry (and the I laugh 'cause I said 'come' and 'entry').

Current Music: Coal Chamber - "Entwined"

strawberry gashes (9/13/2005)

Woo, more good times. But first, we have the latest comment from an anonymous poster:

Anonymous said...
Can you go for a week without drinking?

5:33 PM
Post a Comment

From my last entry. It made me laugh a bit, actually, at its audacity. It's like this person was trying to think that I'm an alcoholic? Hilarious! But yes, it is easy to go for a week without drinking booze, I just prefer not to. It's not hard though, I didn't have any alcohol for the first two weeks of august I don't think. And even back in... January of last year, I think it was, I decided to go for a month without any. And it was no problem at all. I think people spend too much time worrying aboot me, rather than concerning themselves with... themselves, or what's going on with them, rather than me.

That being said, I was fairly wasted tonight, and with the assistance of Ben and Manj I managed to get through all thirty cans of MGD. Now there's thirty empties sitting in my sink, and it's quite a sight to behold. They look unopened 'cause they were all done from the bottom, so I can return them to my paw in pristine condition, almost no dents or anything. So that's good.

And tonight the three of us chilled, got heather out later to drive us around, but only to Wal-Mart, where we were able to re enact some old-school madness again, with carts off the back of cars. Some very high speeds, too... last time with bryce it was twenty six kilometres per hour, this time it was closer to 35-40. And it was into a cement wall, too, the first time. That hurt a bit. Then into prickle bushes the second time... me and Ben, at the same time, so we had similar injuries.

My confirmed gash count stands at sixty eight for the night, mostly around my arms and legs. And mostly on one side of my body, so that was interesting. Manj got it all on video perfectly, I loved it. Footage should be available soon, with any luck.

Now I work tomorrow 330-1030, so this will be the first day since I started my birthday countdown that I doubt I'll have any fun. The last couple days have ruled, and hopefully the next ones will too. Nine days remain, until I'm over the hill, and old enough to be taken out to a pasture and shot.

As long as its on video, I won't complain.

happy bday times (9/25/2005)

Okay, so I missed like two days, and in that two days I did quite a lot of things. Three nights actually, longer now that I think of it. No pictures available yet, but the footage is almsot captured, and just needs to be converted.

Thursday afternoon I hit The Keg with my parents, for my lovely twenty four ounce prime rib. It was amazing, and even proved to be too much for me, so I took some home for the next day. After I was able to rest a bit, then finally hit... Blueridge! Chilled up there until well past midnight with andrea, eventually stumbled back to her place, and I made quite possibly the greatest alcoholic drink ever.

Inspired by a dream: get a scoop of vanilla ice cream, an equal amount of orange juice and rum, and some sugar, and mix them all in a blender for maybe half a minute. It makes an orange foamy drink, that tastes and has very similar properties to an Orange Julius. There's no trace of taste of booze, but it hits you like a fucker and suddenly you're rolling on the floor laughing. It's quite something, so I urge anyone with a blender to try it. Hmm, maybe I should get one myself.

Friday afternoon I headed home, still buzzing a little, and had some time to recover over a pizza. Then, around six thirty, Ben Cawley showed up around my place, and shortly after schaap came with jessica and katoo. I'm still surprised at how much of a lightweight Schaap is, tsk tsk! But at least he didn't puke, so I'll give him that credit. I did up my bottle of Sourpuss, as well as some bottles of beer that Manj brought along later.

He also brought a black forrest cake, and apparently some of them had planned it for a while, to wail me in the face with it. That's what happened, with a very comical result. It was captured perfectly on camera, so pictures should be made available soon. Schaap also had obtained and brought an ice cream cake with Snow White on it. Charming cake it was, and was quite good. Fuck, everything was good.

Later Bran and even Heather were able to come by, to add to the general chaos and merriment. The cake incident and hog-tying Schaap really stand out, but the whole birthday night was great, and I must thank everyone who came out and supported Team Michael. Y'all are much appreciated, and so I shall hold off releasing the axe monkey on everyone for a while longer.

Saturday afternoon I recovered yet again, but it wasn't too bad. I had to cancel going to the States with my parents in the afternoon though, which was unfortunate but necessary. Later Bran came over, so we grabbed some Xbox games and hooked up our two systems here, and captured some in-game footage, like I was mentioning in a post earlier this week. Preliminary attempts went well, except from some minor technical difficulties. We also watched Blade: Trinity, which brought back fond memories of when I saw it in the theatres. Good movie too, go check it out.

[edit]

I'm coming down gently from the buzz I got with Bran and I drinking beers tonight, nothing too serious but enough to get the good feeling. Tomorrow, who knows. I don't work until next friday, so that's ten days in a row off I'm looking at here, after all is said and done. It's like being suspended, only without the free money and hassle that normally comes along with that.

Now I rest, and prepare for more good times yet to come.